"Love may be blind, but marriage is a real eye-opener!"
OK, let's fix that partner of yours so your marriage will be better. Ready? Here's how you fix your partner: Fix yourself. Now hold on...stay with me. This will be painless and quite liberating, I promise.
Let's start with a quick question: What is your partner's love language? Specifically how and when does your partner feel most loved?
If you're not sure, then that gives us a great place to start.
At the root of every bad to mediocre marriage is a partner who doesn't feel loved and appreciated. This also applies to every other relationship in your world. What do your kids need most? To feel loved and to feel like they matter. Your employees? Sure they want a big paycheck, but what they want most is to feel appreciated for what they do and for who they are. We all want to feel valued.
If you don't know your partner's love language, then put on your to-do list to pick up Gary Chapman's "Five Love Languages". Become a student of your partner.
"But I'm the one who doesn't feel loved!"
I hear you. When I was in the landscaping business, how do you reckon we got rid of those big ugly clumps of crabgrass weeds growing in the turf? We ignored them! We just focused on feeding the grass turf, and then those weeds were eventually and naturally choked out by the healthy grass.
Let's not dissect and pontificate and analyze your relationship right now. You're going to find that the answers to most of your relationship issues will emerge when you simply get back to the basics. Trust me on this one.
No matter what's happened, no matter how far gone your marriage might be, no matter who did what, start HERE. Be the partner that your partner deserves. Stop trying so hard to make them a better lover and get busy making yourself one. Life's a boomerang. What you put out comes back to you. Be that change that you want to see in your marriage.
Just do it, and ask God to bless your intentions with favor. You'll begin witnessing miracles as you set aside your ego-based agenda and put love into action.
Here's a roadblock that keeps most of us stuck in neutral whenever there's an issue. It's our ineptness in speaking our truth. Let me explain.
Rewind back to 20 years ago. My wife burst into my office at midnight. She was obviously irritated with my late schedule, and understandably so.
As she slung open the door to my study, she howled, "You work too much"!
I turned around and, with an annoyed tone spurted right back at her, "Why don't you turn around, go out, then try that again? Only this time tell me the truth." Now guys, let me inject something here. Don't do what I did. Never fight back at a woman scorned!
Nonetheless, I fired back at her. "Why don't you come back in and tell me that you miss me rather than telling me what I'm doing wrong?"
Good point. Bad delivery.